200 miles away.

I just feel so alone.

There is actually nothing here for me. No longterm friendships, no accomplishments, no luxury or well-being. There is actually nothing here for me at all. I can't even say i had a good year here, because i

really haven't. If it was a fraction i would have had 1/6 of a good time here. Now that's what i call

good spending on tuition fees/rent/basic

living and all the rest of it.

It just feels like such a waste, but then again i could have been saying the same back at home 'It's been such a waste of a year, i could have gone to uni' but if i was back at home i would have everything that i don't have here.

Nevermind eh!

It's just a constant feeling of loneliness, which fucking sucks man.

I just cannot wait to go back to the homeland and actually live happily. I'm still young and i have years to go to uni. I want to travel and explore things. I want to actually find out what i want to do in life rather than see an option on clearing and think 'That'll do'. I want to have an epiphany, hit the accelerator and just be there man.

I want to live my life full and i'm really not doing it here, no matter how hard i try.

Roll on hometown! Roll on good times!

Balloons on the moon

Had the weirdest dream the other day. Aload of people that i knew were in space, on the moon, looking down at the earth, floating inches above the moon. On the moon was hundreds and hundreds of untied balloons just hovering a little above the surface of the moon. Everyone was doing flips and awesome tricks. If you inhaled gas from a certain coloured balloon it would give you a different high and a different experience. The red ones made you laugh, the blue ones made you see everything so clearly; in the situation that we were in and see things clearly about certain people etc, and the green ones (which were my favourite) made you hallucinate and do things you wouldn't normally do. The first green balloon i inhaled made me dance, the other made me do flips where everyone laughed and cheered, the third one made me see Kris' face look really deformed and it really freaked me out, the fourth one sorted me out then.
It was a very beautiful dream. Everyone was just looking down on the earth. It looked stunning. It was our on little party planet with hundreds of drug filled balloons. But what confused me was, if there was so many colourful balloons on the moon, why did no-one see it before? Why was the moon white and not multicoloured? But then i told myself 'Sloane, your in a fucking dream so get on with it'.
After coming back to earth from the moon somehow, if you looked at the moon at night it looked like there had been loads of fireworks going off because all the balloons were popping. It made me sad because it seemed that the balloons were actually living entities that just wanted to commit suicide because we all left them and they didn't have anyone to party with.
Probably the weirdest dream i've ever had. Nice though :)Lately my sleeping pattern has gone to shit and i am unable to have lovely dreams like this. It doesn't matter what time i lay be head down to sleep to pray the funk will make me freak, it's just i will toss and turn for hours and hours and hours until one hour before my alarm goes off (around 6-7am) i will finally get to sleep, sleep through all of my alarms and not wake up until stupid o clock in the afternoon.
It's really starting to frustrate me. Today, i missed my doctors appointment to have my implant taken out and another one put in. So now i will have to wait about 3 weeks to make a new appointment. I missed my lecture, which i can catch up on. But still, it's so frustrating.
And lately (this is completely unrelated but still) I've started to get really emotional when i see people getting married. And when people are with their kids and that. I think that my subconscious wants me to get married and have a family, but my concious is just repressing it from coming to the surface. Lol. Maybe one day someone will have me :)
These pictures that are up there are of my favourite place in Plymouth. It's called 'The Hoe', and yes, it's not any old hoe.. it's 'THE Hoe'. It's a very lovely place, just by the sea. It's a big red and white lighthouse, it has a bit of green and a big car park where all the skaters are at. The views are goregous. It's just a little chance to escape and realise that the world is huge even if the place your living in is small and makes you feel a bit trapped. I could spend all day here looking out at the sea, the little islands and try to imagine what life is like back in Swansea, or what life is like anywhere.. I miss Swansea terribly, but i know it will always be there.
The Hoe is just the perfect place to think.
Well.. i feel i should post another picture now because that one doesn't really represent what i'm trying to say.
Okay, went a bit overboard haha, but it's fine! It's really annoying, i can never get THE perfect picture of the Hoe. I will one day though.

Things would just be so much better if the goregous man on the first photograph was here all the time. I miss him stupid amounts. But i know he is happy, and that makes me happy. I loves him i does!