200 miles away.

I just feel so alone.

There is actually nothing here for me. No longterm friendships, no accomplishments, no luxury or well-being. There is actually nothing here for me at all. I can't even say i had a good year here, because i

really haven't. If it was a fraction i would have had 1/6 of a good time here. Now that's what i call

good spending on tuition fees/rent/basic

living and all the rest of it.

It just feels like such a waste, but then again i could have been saying the same back at home 'It's been such a waste of a year, i could have gone to uni' but if i was back at home i would have everything that i don't have here.

Nevermind eh!

It's just a constant feeling of loneliness, which fucking sucks man.

I just cannot wait to go back to the homeland and actually live happily. I'm still young and i have years to go to uni. I want to travel and explore things. I want to actually find out what i want to do in life rather than see an option on clearing and think 'That'll do'. I want to have an epiphany, hit the accelerator and just be there man.

I want to live my life full and i'm really not doing it here, no matter how hard i try.

Roll on hometown! Roll on good times!

Balloons on the moon

Had the weirdest dream the other day. Aload of people that i knew were in space, on the moon, looking down at the earth, floating inches above the moon. On the moon was hundreds and hundreds of untied balloons just hovering a little above the surface of the moon. Everyone was doing flips and awesome tricks. If you inhaled gas from a certain coloured balloon it would give you a different high and a different experience. The red ones made you laugh, the blue ones made you see everything so clearly; in the situation that we were in and see things clearly about certain people etc, and the green ones (which were my favourite) made you hallucinate and do things you wouldn't normally do. The first green balloon i inhaled made me dance, the other made me do flips where everyone laughed and cheered, the third one made me see Kris' face look really deformed and it really freaked me out, the fourth one sorted me out then.
It was a very beautiful dream. Everyone was just looking down on the earth. It looked stunning. It was our on little party planet with hundreds of drug filled balloons. But what confused me was, if there was so many colourful balloons on the moon, why did no-one see it before? Why was the moon white and not multicoloured? But then i told myself 'Sloane, your in a fucking dream so get on with it'.
After coming back to earth from the moon somehow, if you looked at the moon at night it looked like there had been loads of fireworks going off because all the balloons were popping. It made me sad because it seemed that the balloons were actually living entities that just wanted to commit suicide because we all left them and they didn't have anyone to party with.
Probably the weirdest dream i've ever had. Nice though :)Lately my sleeping pattern has gone to shit and i am unable to have lovely dreams like this. It doesn't matter what time i lay be head down to sleep to pray the funk will make me freak, it's just i will toss and turn for hours and hours and hours until one hour before my alarm goes off (around 6-7am) i will finally get to sleep, sleep through all of my alarms and not wake up until stupid o clock in the afternoon.
It's really starting to frustrate me. Today, i missed my doctors appointment to have my implant taken out and another one put in. So now i will have to wait about 3 weeks to make a new appointment. I missed my lecture, which i can catch up on. But still, it's so frustrating.
And lately (this is completely unrelated but still) I've started to get really emotional when i see people getting married. And when people are with their kids and that. I think that my subconscious wants me to get married and have a family, but my concious is just repressing it from coming to the surface. Lol. Maybe one day someone will have me :)
These pictures that are up there are of my favourite place in Plymouth. It's called 'The Hoe', and yes, it's not any old hoe.. it's 'THE Hoe'. It's a very lovely place, just by the sea. It's a big red and white lighthouse, it has a bit of green and a big car park where all the skaters are at. The views are goregous. It's just a little chance to escape and realise that the world is huge even if the place your living in is small and makes you feel a bit trapped. I could spend all day here looking out at the sea, the little islands and try to imagine what life is like back in Swansea, or what life is like anywhere.. I miss Swansea terribly, but i know it will always be there.
The Hoe is just the perfect place to think.
Well.. i feel i should post another picture now because that one doesn't really represent what i'm trying to say.
Okay, went a bit overboard haha, but it's fine! It's really annoying, i can never get THE perfect picture of the Hoe. I will one day though.

Things would just be so much better if the goregous man on the first photograph was here all the time. I miss him stupid amounts. But i know he is happy, and that makes me happy. I loves him i does!

Well then

After having a very lovely conversation with Kristian<3 last night that lasted a little longer than it should have, bed time was 10.30am. Yep, when normal people get up from bed i go to bed. Makes me feel a bit sick.
I woke up at some point but thought it was still the morning because it was dark outside and it didn't feel like i had much sleep, so i went to the kitchen to get some water. I downed 3 pints of water and when returning to my humble abode i noticed that one of my housemates was very well dressed and peeling potatoes (POTATOES?!). I found it really weird that she was having potatoes for breakfast. Apart from the odd hashbrown here and there. But when i got back to bed i looked at the time '17.35'.
Went back to sleep only to wake up at '21.33' which is fucking effort! Especially seen as i'm still drunk and my head is all like 'WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY' but in a bad way.
I need to cook some food and i need to go down the shop for fags, but i don't know whether the 'rip-off' Spar will still be open.

Good night last night though ;)

Forgot

I forgot to upload an image. Sorry.

This man is amazing in every single way.
Even his bad points are amazing.
I love him completely.
He is awesome.

Kristian Graham Bruce Davison is the love.

http://www.facebook.com/inspiredinspired

Spotify too ;) Search 'Inspired'

xx

Competition

It's amazing how such a high can go to such a low.

I think this is why i love being around guys so much is because i don't have so much competition to deal with. It's just me and them having fun and not caring about anything apart from what we are talking about or what we are doing. It doesn't matter. Apart from the alpha male of course which i strive to look out for, and which i do but it doesnt involve me so thats all good, it's just them. But i look out for this in all social groups and it's awesome, i see it everywhere. In peoples halls, houses, courses; everywhere. I love seeking out this alpha role so it's all good.

But the thing i'm starting to hate is the whole alpha female role. Even if its what they wear, the way they look, the way they present themselves, their personality. It stresses me out. It's stressed me out for years now, and now that i've actually had a break from all this shit and have come back to it has made me realise i need to man the fuck up.

I know i need to change, and now i know more than ever because i can see all these people looking so perfect. I know what i need to do to change and hopefully i can do that. When i do i can be okay with what i look like. It's not like i want to look like these little bitches, it's just i want to make an impression. That's it :)

I love Women <3

I do not like the cone of shame.

Right, where do I begin?

Woke up late for my lecture today, and as Becka thoughtfully pointed that out to me I replied in a french accent 'You know what I do now? I forget about that and just go to my next one, mwhahaha'. Fail number one. I fraped Becka but it was a poor attempt as i made out she nearly killed herself by falling off her bed and hitting her head with blood everywhere, and i also told her flatmate that she was the one that left the floater in the toilet.

When i got to my lecture i was late. I walked into the room only to find there was no seat at the back at all, and i forgot my glasses so i was squinted at everyone to try and find a seat. This guy started to do the 'Haha your fucked now love and you have to do the walk of shame because there are no seats here, your not welcome' type of laugh. So i did the walk of shame. All the way down to the front. I spotted a seat right infront of the lecturer and sat down in the seat of shame seat because it didn't have a table thing to put my books on and it didn't have a lovely cushioned back, it was just horrible white plastic. Fails 2 and 3.

Anyway, as i was sitting there, learning about "environmental science" and realising how fucked up the world is i thought.. what is the point in me sitting here learning about things to get a degree to move onto a masters to hopefully getting a job in environmental science and try to, dare i say it, 'change the world'? There is no point. There is too much money in extracting everything you can possibly extract from the world to make new ipads and ipoos and apple shit and new cars and new phones and laptops and fridges and clothes and make-up and just about everything that we use and upgrade day to day. There is too much money in it, and there are extremely powerful people behind all of this money that they are taking from us. So, how is there any chance in the world of someone as small as me (in more ways than one lol)to actually make a difference, or an impact, or anything. Seriously dude. Who will honestly listen to anyone that wants to change the way the world is? The only people that will listen are the people that actually want to change the world too, then they will have a lovely conversation about it. Then that's it. Nothing else will happen. I know there are lots of jobs in environmental science other than trying to change politicians minds, i know this, i'm doing the course, but i don't want to do anything else. I want to save to oceans, but like fuck am i going to be able to do that and like fuck i'll be able to do it in time. I know it's not going to be just me btw, there are millions of people that think the same way and want to do it too.

And whats really funny is i saw a book the other day and the title was something along the lines of 'How to persuade people in changing their methods to help the world', something like that. Well Mr.Author man, what a lovely thing to write about, if it's so fucking easy then i suggest you do it and show us, go on and give a good example on how to change Mr.Moneys mind about their methods of destroying the world and then we can all make the world a better place to live in. Twat. I'll go back to that shop and take a note of the name of that book, if anyone is actually reading this and is interested.

Anways, back to when i was sitting there learning about this, i decided i'm going to pack in uni and go live in a ranch in Texas and breed and bring up lovely horses and round up cattle and make them move across the state and have a very happy farmer life as a ranch girl. With my mum and dog and whoever else wants to come. Or even better still, i'll go off with the faries in fucking dreamland. Okay, you've convinced me. I'll become a professional baker just to have a community skill and live in Australia and hang out with the indigenous tribes. Uch.

Walking back from uni, i went into the 'rip-off' spar. I didn't really want anything but an impulse buy always makes me feel good, well, satisfied. I bought a packet of crisps, a family tin of soup (because the little ones were priced at £1.15 and the big ones were £1.99, bargain!) and 2 cartons of tropicana orance juice. They were priced at £3.29 each. But the funny thing was that they were 2 for £3.00!! WTF?! Spar, i mean, come the fuck on love, you could have made an effort to think that it was a good deal by putting them at £2.50 or something! I mean, omg, i was in shock. But the deal was by tropicana and not spar, so fucking take that you rip off bastards! This will probably be my only win of the week btw, i'm a massive fail.

Then i saw the most unconvincing transvestite ever.

When i got home there was a bunch of letters on the floor and a magazine for someone that doesnt live here so i nabbed it because, ironically, it was a 'visit USA travel planner 2011' (remember what i said about living in Texas?). Coincidence? I think not. Plus, it has a killer whale on the cover and i have 2 killer whales tattoed on my back :)

Putting my impulse buys away and i nearly got killed by a flying condiment out of my housemates cupboard. Fail.. number 4 or 5.

Right, this isn't a point, but i'm just pointing out that there is a pretty picture of a duck on the left. It's probably up there now though because i've written so much. And the physical point rather than 'i'm pointing out that there are lots of things wrong with this chocolate cake.. it's not chocolate!' type of point.

So, in total (haha) i've had about 5 fails and 1 win. And the day isn't even over yet. FML ;).

Finally started a blog.

I've been meaning to start a blog for the longest time now, and I finally have.

Whenever I have made a blog before, I always got 'Bloggers-block' and haven't got around to writing one. But i've made one now, and i'm ready to write about lots of different things.

Hope you enjoy.

That picture is of my dog, BB. I took her for a walk over the fields by me, and she decided to roll around in aload of horse poo . I put her in the bath straight away and the water turned green and I thought.. 'I have never seen a dog in a green bath before' and started taking some photographs because I thought not many people have either, unless they have a stinking little dog that likes to roll around in shit.